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| Thomas, Elliot (5 Months old) & David (2 Years old) |
Why I want my kids to hear me say
"I'm Sorry"
" For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. " Matthew 6:14-15
Due to growing up in a generation that "knows everything" and whose mentality and goal is to be right, we often don't see outside of ourselves. Between arguing about if you should breastfeed in public or not, whether co-sleeping or Cry it out is the best option or why spanking your child "Damages them for life." When was the last time you've heard someone tell their kid that they are sorry.. genuinely, sorry? Sorry for overreacting, sorry for spanking/correcting out of anger, sorry for snapping at them, sorry for not listening, sorry for being quick to correct and slow to hear, sorry for taking anger out on them, sorry for not being in the moment and for texting, sorry for being an imperfect person who's actions are not always with the right heart. What wounds would be healed right now from even an adult child hearing their parents apologize for just a simple time they acted out of anger instead of love?
How, as a child, did we learn to apologize? Do you remember your parents telling you to apologize when you did something wrong, when you stole a toy from another child, hit your sibling or didn't obey your parents? You were TAUGHT to apologize, by someone or something that decided you needed to know. By watching the behavior of others or even by someone asking forgiveness of you, you were taught. So as parents, we are here to not only love and nurture our children but we are here to teach them. How are they suppose to learn to clean if our house is a disaster, how're they supposed to learn to calm down unless we show them and how are they suppose to learn to forgive and to ask for forgiveness unless they have seen us do it ourselves? Don't you think we would be raising a generation of humble children who don't think they are the ULTIMATE GIFT to this planet if they're taught to apologize for being wrong, doing wrong and acting wrongly. Husbands apologizing to their wives in front of their kids instead of behind close doors before having make up sex!
As a parent, don't we fight for and care more about those friendships where apologizes are made and forgiveness is given? Don't we cherish these friendships more than the friend who's pride gets in the way and allows words or opinions to leave wounds instead of heal them? Shouldn't we fight for that kind of a relationship even more so with our own children.
Please don't confuse me as a perfect parent, mother or wife. I am not, yet I hope to encourage others to continue and fight to be the best that they can be,
- Nicole
Why?
How, as a child, did we learn to apologize? Do you remember your parents telling you to apologize when you did something wrong, when you stole a toy from another child, hit your sibling or didn't obey your parents? You were TAUGHT to apologize, by someone or something that decided you needed to know. By watching the behavior of others or even by someone asking forgiveness of you, you were taught. So as parents, we are here to not only love and nurture our children but we are here to teach them. How are they suppose to learn to clean if our house is a disaster, how're they supposed to learn to calm down unless we show them and how are they suppose to learn to forgive and to ask for forgiveness unless they have seen us do it ourselves? Don't you think we would be raising a generation of humble children who don't think they are the ULTIMATE GIFT to this planet if they're taught to apologize for being wrong, doing wrong and acting wrongly. Husbands apologizing to their wives in front of their kids instead of behind close doors before having make up sex!
But we are parents and we know best!
Sure.. you could say that. I feel like as parents we can be viewed as a hero, as perfect, as someone who never really struggles and never really sins and honestly that is not the truth. Though all these compliments are GOOD things and yes, i'm still learning... I do feel that if it doesn't excuse us from apologizing. What would the world be like if they constantly heard their parents apologizing while in the wrong? Or even allowing your children to see you weak, humble, apologetic and sincerely asking for their forgiveness. In my opinion, it makes the child feel as if their emotions and opinions are important. As a parent having the humility to admit to your child when you have done something wrong is not something that is often seen in todays society.
No one actually does this!
Good fathers should, which is where I got the inspiration for this post. I heard a sermon a while back about a father (A very well respected man of God) who... when in the wrong, tries to always remember to apologize to his children... to lay down in their bed and hug them and ask for their forgiveness because of his actions... it struck home with me. A lot of times as a parent you feel like you know best, you may not have the humility to admit that you're wrong when you snap at your child out of anger or discipline them before giving yourself a chance to calm down. Good parents should ask for forgiveness, good parents should remind their kids that they are not God.
When? I don't have time to apologize or reason with my child!
YES! Are you kidding me right now?! Spanking your child out of anger is HITTING your child, APOLOGIZE! Yelling at your child when you're frustrated with work and don't extend grace to them is rude, APOLOGIZE! Putting your child in time out because YOU are tired of dealing with them is not correcting out of love, APOLOGIZE!
"I'm sorry"
is the most simple yet powerful sentence and when genuine and sincere comes from such a place of humility. Taking stance as an imperfect human who needs grace. As a parent, what bigger message could we send to our children other than constantly reminding them that WE ARE NOT PERFECT?
As a parent, don't we fight for and care more about those friendships where apologizes are made and forgiveness is given? Don't we cherish these friendships more than the friend who's pride gets in the way and allows words or opinions to leave wounds instead of heal them? Shouldn't we fight for that kind of a relationship even more so with our own children.
Please don't confuse me as a perfect parent, mother or wife. I am not, yet I hope to encourage others to continue and fight to be the best that they can be,
- Nicole
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